Like all moms in this whole wide world, I too suffered from stress, sleeplessness etc. Being a new stressful parent made me show more hatred towards my husband. Ya I know many moms would do that, don’t worry I am at your side 😉. It’s totally normal to show your anger and fight with your partner but keeping it for long time is not good for your relationship. For few weeks we barely seen each other. We seen each other only for few hours each day after he gets home from work, and I will be busy always in feeding, changing diapers and taking care my baby. There was no time for each other, the days passed and things changed when my baby girl started laughing at people, seeing things, making sounds made my husband spend more time in home which made us enjoy things together. I felt like my happy life is back again. Many say when babies grow, the couples space will get lesser, but in our case once she started growing month by month she was the one who made us come closer to each other. We both felt a different feeling of affection and attraction towards each other. I liked him more as a dad of my daughter than my husband. Seeing my husband in my daughter’s features always made me think about him. Arguments do happen at times, but we understood each other’s pressure of being new parents and compromised. Having a baby is the biggest adjustments couples could experience. I fell in love with him all over again, but this time more deeply. The gratitude I had for my husband has increased as I have watched him love, guide and serve my child. My daughter not only made us a father and a mother but also made us understand the value of our relationship to become better spouses as well. Here are few tips for you guys which I like to share from my experience.
Accepting the difficulties on both of you as new parents. When I had my daughter, I thought I was the person who does more chores for the baby than my husband and got into more constant arguments with him. Later I realized it isn’t true, like we moms undergo major shift, our partners also deal with major identity shift. Communicate and acknowledge more with each other, as both mom and dad experiences may have equal intensity.
Appreciating lonely time. For us before baby it’s not a big matter of spending time to each other, and we didn’t even think it’s a big deal and sometimes we sit with our mobile and laptop in the corner and spend hours together with them. But after baby, having lonely time is a big deal and we started appreciating those moments by spending it for one another. My kind advise is to keep away your expectations aside. Never expect that your husband will find time for you, instead you make time for him and appreciate the lovely time with him.
Text each other not only to buy things or to fight but to romance. Texting each other is the great way when there is no time to cuddle. It’s a better way to stay connected. Yes that’s what we did when our baby occupied most of our time. Sometimes expressing in writing will be more intense than verbalizing (watch out, it may lead to misunderstandings too 😜).
Sometimes talk stuffs other than your child. I know it’s hard part. After having kids the only topic for discussion will be them. Even though you try to navigate, the ending topic of discussion will be kids without your knowledge. I know girl! I am with you. But try hard to get some time other than kids stuffs. You can share the stuff like idle neighbourhood gossip, politics, times when you first met, about your favourite game, weather, whatever. Always find things to laugh about. Spending time away from kids or not talking about them is not a bad thing. Look at it as a gift to them because you’re going to be refreshed and happy which is highly important for the mental health of both as couples as well as parents.
Never let yourself hungry. When you are a new mom, especially breastfeeding and your partner brings some issue during lunch time, for sure he is in big trouble. Hunger will make you go crazy, even the smallest issue will be seen big when you are in a hungry mind. Never ever discuss sensitive subjects when hungry. Ask you partner to speak after your stomach is full. Small advice for men is to grab some favorite food of your wife before starting your conversation.
Planning for baby’s future. Many think it’s too soon to plan the baby’s future, but this magical moments when it feels like it will last forever, it goes by so fast. When you both sit together and plan for your little one future it will definitely make you excited for the life you are building together and many exciting thing to come! Putting your all into your family is the best thing and definitely it’s going to make your marriage life strong.
Try to walk away from annoying things your husband do. Arguments are definitely unhealthy for a family, having said that there is no marriage life without arguments. Walking away from arguments sometimes is good as the babies pick up on tone of voice, facial expressions, stress and the overall emotional health of the parents at very young age. Sometimes saying anything fuels the flames of the fight, so it may be best to not say anything at all and just walk away. I know it’s hard but sometimes it helps a lot to make our marriage life healthy.
Babies definitely make family strong. They make each and everyday beautiful. My daughter made us come closer than we were before having her. Sharing things like hilarious moments of my daughter do make us laugh harder than anything else. Also sharing my fears with my husband made me bond with him more. Having baby is one of the biggest test your marriage will face but, when you pass the test, the rest of the life will be fruitful.