United parenting, the best way – tips and tricks

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Parenting in the same page is not an easy task for current generation parents as we all grew up with speaking our opinions out loud. But, when we see our parents back then, they are somewhat be in the same page when it comes to parenting us. At least my mum’s decision will be always correlate with dad’s decision without even they discussing with each other. Me in the other hand has to always discuss everything with my husband (generation change you know).

Parenting in united front is always a most discussed topic with no clear answers. There are a lot of questions around this topic like:

  • Is it healthy for kids when parents are in same page without expressing their opinion?
  • Will it make my kid grow opinion less?
  • Parents being in different page will bring any development issues?
  • Is is okay when one parent is involved in a kid? and the questions goes on.

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In my experience the smaller the child, the higher the unity of parents is important. It doesn’t mean parents should not have any dissimilarities, obviously every human have their own point of view. What I mean is healthy debates are always good which should be conducted calmly and respectfully in front of a kid. I would like to share my way of united parenting which helps my daughter in certain way. For some it might work and for some it may not. If you want to take it and give it a try then here you go:

Keep your child’s age in mind: As I said earlier, it depends on your child’s age. It is more important for parents to be in same age when your kid is in their early years i.e., below 6 years. This is because in this age they don’t really know to distinguish the world in black-and-white terms.  This will gradually disappears between the ages of six and 12. See to it that, it will make your child’s life lot easier if you work out your disagreements and keep them private.

Never pull your spouse down: Even for fun don’t use certain words like mommy is wrong or daddy is wrong to little kids. It will make them thing may be mommy is always right or daddy is always right. This will always give mixed messages to kids and not knowing what his/her parents expect can make things harder.

Find a common ground: When you and your spouse really have disagreements then find a chance to discuss the issue and try hard to find common ground and understand each other’s perspective on the issue. And keep in mind to talk it through outside zone of your child considering whatever age the child be.

Stop your ego and concentrate on your kid: When you both come to an agreement always keep in mind the starting place of your discussion (which is your child), which will help you and your partner stay on-message. Remember that your discussion is not about who wins the argument.

Involve your partner even in their absence: When your child asks for something and you are in the position to take your own decision or you both took the decision and only one parent has to speak about, then convey that “both dad and me think that it’s really important for you to do this or buy this.” But it doesn’t apply to older kids and also not with big decisions.

Be consistent: When you have an argument and whether it’s an agreement or disagreement, be consistent in it. Don’t change your decision after two days it will create confusion in your child. At times one cannot come to an agreement and even when you disagree, support your spouse’s  decision.

I hope these little tips helps your parenting and brings positivity in parenting. It’s not easy to be a pro in parenting. Parenting comes always through practice and it’s not always same. I always take advises and tips from different ends and end up with my own parenting, and I think it’s a best and effective way for parenting. According to me good parenting should always come from both ends and the involvement of both father and mother plays a key role.

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How parental insecurity affects the child and things to avoid it

Every human have some kind of insecurities and  it’s quite normal to have such feelings of self-doubt sometimes. Few carry those insecurities in some part of their life, whereas few live with those insecurities for their whole life. But in one stage of life these insecurities which you have will really start affecting the other person, it’s nothing but a parenting stage.  Yes, its starts affecting your kids very early in their life.

As a kid I always grown with some kind of social fear and always needed someone to push me forward (even now sometimes :)). So, before having my child I decided that, I should not show my insecurities to her and wanted her to grow independent and self deprived. But, once I had my daughter, I realized having the thought alone doesn’t gonna work because, even as a small kid she picked my fears whenever I stumble in something. Kids are highly intellectual when comes to picking even small nuisances from their parents, say it good or bad. These behaviors that children can easily learn through observation. Sometimes I stress how this behavior came to her, without even realizing that I am the person showing her how to behave like that, through my actions. We are the examples for our kids in each and everything.  I write this blog for myself as a greater recall down the line about the things I want to follow as a parent to avoid such insecurities affecting my kid. I hope this post helps parents like me.

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Calm and balanced parenting really works:

Kids are prone to questions. When our kids ask something, even a silly, no sense question, be sure that you don’t panic or get mad. The best way of hiding your insecurities is staying calm and balanced, and make sure to have a good interaction with your child, which will make your child to develop the same behavior you showed them. If you find difficultly in staying calm and balanced, you can always seek a medical help or through yoga or meditation.

Don’t take your social insecurities to your kid:

Nowadays everyone is facing some kind of social pressure, which is unavoidable but being insecure about certain things and taking those to your kids is not okay. For instance comparing your kid with other kid and constantly telling this to your kid will lead to worse. Your kid will start believing that others are better than him and that he is incapable of performing well or living to the expectations of the parents. This feeling will damage his/her self-worth and self-esteem.

Listening your kids:

Have a conversation with your kid and let your child tell you what he/she needs from you. You are indirectly teaching your kids to listen to others by you listening to them. Never underestimate their feelings. Always be their support system and make sure you don’t pass on your insecurities to them. Trust your kids which will make them to trust the world.

Don’t ever show your emotional imbalance to them:

Being relaxed  in every situation is not easy but being over reacting to certain situations like your child’s illness, injury etc., will definitely pass on your insecurities to them. Convey them that you are with them in whatever they do, thus you are teaching them to be independent and also safe and secure.

Use your experience to help your children:

In your entire life you’ve likely developed a toolbox of coping strategies for your insecurities. If you think your child have genetically inherited certain insecurities like yours then you can pass along to your children some strategies you’ve learned and developed.  In my case I always have the fear of unknown, so I always make sure I learn as much as I can about a new situation before I make that first leap. Now, I use that for my daughter in few instances.

As I always say parenting is not easy, when you decide to grow a strong minded and healthy child. This can be done only as a parent you override your fears and stand confident in front of them.

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